I made it. I survived Christmas Day. I didn't want to survive. My heart laid on the floor of my chest broken. A million pieces of glass scattered and my heart could barely beat. I help my breath. No words to describe the agony that was creeping within my soul.
There are so many emotions going on and I can't put a name to some of them. How is that possible?
You know he promised he would stick around at least until I got there next month. We had so much planned to do. We were going to get his affairs in order and get his new ipod set up for him so we could have face time together. What happened Pete? Why didn't you go to the Dr. when I asked you to. I knew you were losing blood again. I told you to call the Dr. You didn't, you waited too long. I should have been there with you. I should have been holding your hand. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I miss you Pete. I miss your laughter, your voice, your wit and hell just everything about you!
Grief sucks! It rips your heart out of your chest and crushes it into dust and the wind yanks it out of your hand and takes it away. You are left with nothing. There are days you feel absolutely nothing and there are days you feel everything so intensely you're afraid the world will hear every breath you take. So you try to not breathe. If you could just not breathe. Fade away. Like the last ray of sunshine fades into darkness....
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