I find that it is just easier to keep my thoughts and sorrow to myself. I mean, who cares anyway? Right? They have to be getting sick and tired of hearing the same thing over an over again. I know I do. I'm tired of being stuck in this dark spot. It's as if the thorns of a bush have reached out and grabbed me and won't let me go. The more I struggle, the deeper the thorns dig into my skin. So I stop struggling. I stop caring. Stop feeling. Because if I feel I may struggle and then the thorns will only go in further and cause more pain.
Jazzy has been gone for 2 months now as of the 1st. When I open the door I can still see his little face peeking over the couch. Oh man I miss him so very much. There are times I can feel him lying down next to me. Or I'll be in the bath room and I swear I hear him scratching at the door wanting in. But I know he's not there. How weird is that? Maybe he's still around. Following me around the house, letting me know he's still here with me.
Pete has been gone just little over 4 months now. Seems like it was just yesterday and at times it seems like a life time ago. So very tired of people telling me to get over it already. I want to put them in my shoes, in my body, let them feel what I feel.... all the emotions, all the hurt, both mentally and physically. Then tell me to get over it already.
Mother's Day is coming up.... oh goody! Then June 1st, Mom's birthday and June 15th when she passed. Once I get over these dates, I'll be good until November. Pete's birthday and then Christmas.... Don't even wan't to think about Christmas anymore.... The joy of the holiday is forever tarnished. And then we just start all over again with January and the Memorial.... yeah, that's my life now. One heartache after another. I will suffer alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment