How Can It Be?

January 8, 2018
How can it be 2018?  How can it be that you have been gone so long already?  How can it be we had so little time together?  I look   back at the time we had and I feel blessed.  I really do. But why did we allow ourselves to let life get in the way of us staying in touch??  But we did.... for several years we didn't stay in touch.  So much of your life I don't even know about.  I wish I did.  I wish we could back and have a do over.  Especially me.  Dodo, I totally blew my life.  If you had been there I know there would have been several occasions where you would have said, "Kid, get your head out of ass and act right!"  What I would give to hear those words again!!!

I look at pictures and try to bring up in my mind the day around them...  but nothing.  My mind is playing a mean evil trick on me Dodo.  You want to know what I remember?  I remember when Daddy died and how I couldn't be there.  I was there just 4 days before and couldn't make it back for the funeral.  Didn't have the money.  I remember when Mom passed.  You had a Memorial for her up in  Atchison 2 days after she passed and I couldn't make it that fast up there.  But I made it to the grave side funeral in Bardwell.  You were great, we held onto each other and never let go.  That was 2004 and we never stopped holding on to each other from that point on.  The time went to quickly...  you left me Pete.  You left and now I am so alone.  I have come to realize that grief is a long lonely road to travel.  The thing about this road, it never ends and it's only one way.  No U turns.
How can it be that my heart beats when it is broken into a million pieces?

I  miss you Dodo!