It's December. I don't know what to do. I play your phone message over and over just to hear your voice. It's crazy, right? I felt you the other day. I was crying, In my mind I could hear you say, "It's ok kid. I've gotcha." Through the tears I kinda smiled and cried even harder and that's when it happened. I could feel your arms around me. Not like human arms.... I just knew you were there holding me. Dang, I miss those hugs.
As I walk to and from work I see more and more Christmas lights go up. I think to myself, "Can I do it? Can I decorate and enjoy Christmas this year?" Every time I come back with this overwhelming need to cry. How on Earth will I ever be able to enjoy Christmas again? All it holds now is heartache. I bought a cute 6 inch Christmas tree that lights up and it changes color... It's pretty, but all I see is a declaration, it means nothing to me. I look at your picture and I am over come by feelings. Feelings of deep sadness and longing. Feelings like.... too many to put into words. There is this darkness that creeps up every now and again. It's a familiar feeling. He's an old friend. He comes around from time to time. I guess he thought he needed to stop by again. No telling how long he will stay.
Hey Pete, do you remember the time in Tonopah when we were playing softball in the house with the dish thingy. The plastic scrubber. It was Christmas. Mom came from the restaurant and said for us to knock it off or she was going to toss the tree and all out the back door and down the cliff because we kept breaking the ornaments? Remember that? Well, we thought sure she wasn't serious. So we kept playing. And damned if we didn't break another ornament just as she came back in the door. We got our tails whooped and... yup, true to her word, the tree, ornaments, lights and tinsel went out the back door and down the cliff!! You were laughing your ass off and I was crying! We had Christmas in the restaurant that year. I still have that picture.
There it is. Looking at us you'd think we were perfect little angles! Hmmm If you were still here we would go paint the town! Have a good laugh and few drinks. I miss you Dodo! More than I could ever adequately put into words.
Love you Dodo!
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