The One That Didn't Get Away!

Hey Dodo,
 So I had to testify in front of a Grand Jury the other day.  Some knuckle head (as you like to call them) was trying to steal a coat and some beer.  Of course I tried to stop him and he just kept on going.  SGT Padlia went after him.  That's when it got ugly.  The idiot (as I like to call them) was going to punch the SGT.  I was like oh holy hell.  So I watched the whole thing go down and how the SGT followed him from a safe distance and how the idiot kept turning around and acting all tough like he was going to fight the SGT.  Once they were off property though I couldn't follow any longer. But that was ok cuz like 3 or 4 cop cars came screaming past me....   I thought, "Oh yeah, he's going down!!!"  And he did.  Score one for the good guys!!
Awe Pete, you would have loved this one!  It was a great story.  More to it than I put here, but you know...  When I was asked to testify I told the DA I sure would. I would do anything for our boys in blue!
I kinda feel like it honors you in a way.  You were a GOOD police officer Pete!!!  Red told me the kids still ask for you.  They want to know where Officer Gator is.  How sweet is that ?

Life is so cruel and death, well death is just one of those words that doesn't exist.  It's a pain that rips at the very fabric of your soul.  My soul has been ripped into a million pieces and It's so broken I'm not sure it will ever be the same until the day I stand before my maker and He touches me and makes me whole again.  After He does that there are 2 people I want to see right away!  You and Mom.  Of course Daddy.  But with caution.   It will be so great to see you and Mom again!!!  Oh man I have missed Mom so much!!!  And now you!  Yeah, my heart is lonely.
I gotta go Dodo...  I love you so much and miss you beyond words.  Behave yourself up there.  And be nice to the Angles.  Don't scare them too much!!!!!  ;)

Love ya so much,
SN

The 22nd...... AGAIN

Hello Dodo,
And here it is again.  Another 22nd.  That makes 3 of them since you left.  I know it's not your fault.  I'm not mad at you.  I do understand.  If truth be told I think I may be jealous.  I'm still stuck on this horrible rock that keeps spinning around and around.  The sun keeps coming up every single morning and setting every single night.  Quite annoying actually.  Especially when all I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up again.   But the cosmos has other plans.  Actually G~d must have other plans.  Though I can't imagine what.  My heart is so cold and bitter.  Talk about an ice Queen!  Yeah you would be looking at her, that is if you were still here.  

I know you must be angry with me Pete. I don't know how to make it up to you.  If I had listened to you, none of this would have happened.  I get that now.  But I didn't.  I called Tony and told him you were gone.  I honestly was just trying to do the right thing.  I know now the right thing would have been to follow your wishes.  I am soooooo sorry Dodo!!!!  Please forgive me.  Please tell me everything will be ok.  I really need to hear those words from you.  I need you to tell me it will be ok kid.  How do I get past this?  How do I move on?  I guess I never will.  Because I'll never hear those words from you, ever!  That is why this is sooooo very hard on me.  This is why I cannot move on.  Why I can't let go.
So the tears will continue to fall.  The heart will continue to ache and my soul will forever be lost.  It will forever search for yours.   I love and miss you beyond words Dodo, my Knight, my protector!

Hello Darkness my Old Friend

So you decided to pay me visit today.  Thought you might have given up on me and moved on.  I see now that is not the case.  You were just been laying dormant for a short spell. Resting and gathering up your strength.  Waiting until my thoughts went wondering to my brother and Jazzy.  Which they have....  you and I both know what this week is. Wednesday is the 22nd.  And you won't let me forget it will you?  Three months.  Three long agonizing months since Dodo left me.  I don't blame him.  He was in so much pain.  Part of grieving is I'm supposed to get angry....  I can't  get angry at Dodo.  I love him too much and I know how much he was suffering.  How can I possibly be mad at him.  There is anger, just not at him.  Mostly at myself.  Angry at how I should have handled things better at the memorial and setting it up.  I should have listened to Dodo and not told his son he had passed.  We would not have had the drama we had if only I had listened to him in the first place.  So that's on me,  I'm afraid Dodo is disappointed in me.  I feel like I have let him down.  I'm so sorry Dodo!!!  So very very sorry!!!
So darkness, now you delight also in my anguish of losing Jazzy too.  On Wednesday that too will hold yet another sad memory.  It will be week 3 since he left us.   Darkness you know how much I am missing my Jazzy.  How much I miss his sweet little paws tapping me on my leg wanting up or tapping the chair wanting up in the chair with me.  There isn't one single time I come through the door that I don't wish I could see him all excited and doing his little dance and talking up a storm until I pick him up and love on him.  Yeah it's that bad.  Enjoy that do you?  Darkness, you & I have been pals for quite some time now.  You have been there in my mind and in my heart ever since I can remember.  You were there when David was being mean.  You were there when my first husband was being mean.  And you are still here.....  You sneak in like a lioness on the hunt.  You're using me to feed your own ego and dark twisty desires.  Oh I fight you.  I fight you with all my might and most of the time I lose.  But when I win, it feels so good.  Will I win today?  I don't know.  All I know is you have crept in and now I must deal with you.  And deal with you I will....   With prayer and the knowledge that Christ is my champion!  Good luck darkness.