Here it is October, the leaves have begun to turn, the air is chilly and sunsets a bit more dramatic.  Fall is my favorite time of year.  Yet the sadness is so great I can't enjoy it this year.  I thought that once we scattered my brother in the Mississippi I would feel some sort of closure.  For a time I think I did.  Now we are coming up on his Birthday and the Holidays and all I want to do is crawl into a whole and never come out again.  Why can't I get past this?  Why can't I enjoy life again?  Why is the pain so acute?  God, Why haven't You picked Your child up to comfort her?  Where are You in midst of my deepest darkest hours?  How will I ever get through the one year mark of your passing Pete?  The thought of it brings on a wave of fear and sadness that in some ways is worse than when it first happened.

I love you Dodo