August 22, 2017.  Do you know what that means?  I'll tell you what that means!  Eight lousy months of hell.  I'm tired of counting, tired of  all the first's that you won't be there anymore.  This is so exhausting.  Yet I can't help myself.  There is this part of me that will not stop.  Has anyone else experienced this?? Anyone?  Oh right, no one reads these pathetic blogs.  Hell I don't blame you.  I wouldn't read them either.  I really wish someone would just listen to me.  Hear me.  Hear my heart scream bloody hell.  I feel like I am so very alone in this whole thing.  I don't want to bother anyone really.  I can't afford a shrink.  Which I am quite sure I need one.  You should hear some of the thoughts that go through my head....  I mean talk about nuts!!!!  But seriously...   WHEN DOES THIS ALL END!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?