As I sit here scanning in picture after picture of you I think to myself, "Did you ever get sick of Grandma always having a camera in your face?"
There is a little blonde girl that keeps showing up, I have to wonder if it is one of your other sisters from your papa's first marriage? I have so many questions to ask you regarding so many of these pictures. Some of the places I recognize. Of course the Grandparent's house on Riley. But even some of the other places there in Aitchison. The huge Catholic Church up on the hill. The one in your book.
I think I might try to find some photo albums to put all these pictures in to protect them. They will go to Yolanda. I know she will take care of them. That is one reason I gave her the 38 and Grandpa's desk for Miss Emily. I knew they would be well cared for and the desk would be loved. I hope and pray they can get back up to Dyersburg to get the rest of the furniture.
You know when I got down there in January for your memorial. The first thing I did at 2am was I sat down at the desk. I just sat there. I couldn't move. I ran my hands over the top of the dest. I opened the drawers, which were all ready empty. I thought how sad that they were already empty. I feel like she just wanted you out of there completely as fast as she could get you out. I was angry and hurt and I wanted to scream at her and ask her how could she be so cruel?
Then I opened up your computer thinking I would have to find the passwords, but they had already done that too. Anger really rose up then. But what could I do? I had to stay until the following Friday. I had to make nice until this was all over. I started searching your files. I wanted to find all your writings to preserve them. I went deep into your files. I'm not sure they got in this deep, but I found a letter. A letter not really addressed to anyone. But you had a lot to say. Mostly about her. It was after she made you give Charlie up. In my heart I believe that was when you gave up. You didn't want to live the way you were. I wish I had that letter. I put it on the Darth thumb drive that fell out of the box that she sent to me when the side of it split open in route to me. It revealed so much.
I'm so sorry Pete. So sorry you had to endure so much pain first at the hands of Tony and then at her hands. I should have been there for you. How many times have you been there for me? When you needed me the most.... where was I? Way up here in Bumf@ckeygpt that's where. I'm so sorry!!!
My desk is surrounded by pictures of you and Mother. I look at them and have so many fond memories. And so many regrets. Ain't that the way life is though? Wishing you could go back and ask just a few more questions. Or, say I love you just one more time. Or, apologize for that fight mom and I had over ..... what? I can't even remember anymore what it was about. I only remember it was bad. You ask God to please tell Mom I'm sorry and I love her. But does He? Does He tell you how much I miss you and love you? Just in case.... I do, you know. Love you and miss you. You know what I miss the most? Your voice! Your voice was my favorite sound in the world. I could come from work and call you up after a really hard day and the sound of voice was all it took to calm me down. It's that low soft southern drawl. Then there were times you sounded just like Wolfman Jack. I loved that sound too. Before your phone was discontinued I recorded your phone message on my iPod. I play it every now and then, just so I can hear your voice.
I've decided to write about you. I'm gathering stories about you. Like how you and Sylvia met. What a hoot! You waiting a whole month for her to return. Smart man! And yes, I'm even writing about all the times you tortured me with tales of Martians and Giants and scratching on my screen. How about the time you hid under my bed and when I got up you grabbed my ankle. I think I might have peed my pants on that one. I wouldn't change a thing! Not one thing, except I would have spent more time with you. Listen more closely to what you had to say. Cherished every single moment and commented them to memory. You left too soon Dodo. Way too soon!!
So here I sit scanning in pictures of you through the years......
I love you Dodo!
There is a little blonde girl that keeps showing up, I have to wonder if it is one of your other sisters from your papa's first marriage? I have so many questions to ask you regarding so many of these pictures. Some of the places I recognize. Of course the Grandparent's house on Riley. But even some of the other places there in Aitchison. The huge Catholic Church up on the hill. The one in your book.
I think I might try to find some photo albums to put all these pictures in to protect them. They will go to Yolanda. I know she will take care of them. That is one reason I gave her the 38 and Grandpa's desk for Miss Emily. I knew they would be well cared for and the desk would be loved. I hope and pray they can get back up to Dyersburg to get the rest of the furniture.
You know when I got down there in January for your memorial. The first thing I did at 2am was I sat down at the desk. I just sat there. I couldn't move. I ran my hands over the top of the dest. I opened the drawers, which were all ready empty. I thought how sad that they were already empty. I feel like she just wanted you out of there completely as fast as she could get you out. I was angry and hurt and I wanted to scream at her and ask her how could she be so cruel?
Then I opened up your computer thinking I would have to find the passwords, but they had already done that too. Anger really rose up then. But what could I do? I had to stay until the following Friday. I had to make nice until this was all over. I started searching your files. I wanted to find all your writings to preserve them. I went deep into your files. I'm not sure they got in this deep, but I found a letter. A letter not really addressed to anyone. But you had a lot to say. Mostly about her. It was after she made you give Charlie up. In my heart I believe that was when you gave up. You didn't want to live the way you were. I wish I had that letter. I put it on the Darth thumb drive that fell out of the box that she sent to me when the side of it split open in route to me. It revealed so much.
I'm so sorry Pete. So sorry you had to endure so much pain first at the hands of Tony and then at her hands. I should have been there for you. How many times have you been there for me? When you needed me the most.... where was I? Way up here in Bumf@ckeygpt that's where. I'm so sorry!!!
My desk is surrounded by pictures of you and Mother. I look at them and have so many fond memories. And so many regrets. Ain't that the way life is though? Wishing you could go back and ask just a few more questions. Or, say I love you just one more time. Or, apologize for that fight mom and I had over ..... what? I can't even remember anymore what it was about. I only remember it was bad. You ask God to please tell Mom I'm sorry and I love her. But does He? Does He tell you how much I miss you and love you? Just in case.... I do, you know. Love you and miss you. You know what I miss the most? Your voice! Your voice was my favorite sound in the world. I could come from work and call you up after a really hard day and the sound of voice was all it took to calm me down. It's that low soft southern drawl. Then there were times you sounded just like Wolfman Jack. I loved that sound too. Before your phone was discontinued I recorded your phone message on my iPod. I play it every now and then, just so I can hear your voice.
I've decided to write about you. I'm gathering stories about you. Like how you and Sylvia met. What a hoot! You waiting a whole month for her to return. Smart man! And yes, I'm even writing about all the times you tortured me with tales of Martians and Giants and scratching on my screen. How about the time you hid under my bed and when I got up you grabbed my ankle. I think I might have peed my pants on that one. I wouldn't change a thing! Not one thing, except I would have spent more time with you. Listen more closely to what you had to say. Cherished every single moment and commented them to memory. You left too soon Dodo. Way too soon!!
So here I sit scanning in pictures of you through the years......
I love you Dodo!
