What? Who? Don't know, I am just pissed! The tears that fall are not warm and comforting anymore. They sting and they burn.
In my minds eye I can see you laying there on that hospital bed. Tubes hooked up to your body. IV's running in your veins. Yet the Doctors are saying there is nothing that can be done. Your organs are shutting down. Or that is what I was told when the call came in at 2:00am on 22nd of December, 2016. She said she would keep me up to date and let me know what the Doctors said. I prayed! Oh Pete I prayed for a miracle. A miracle that never came. I walked around this tiny apartment of ours trying to figure out a way to get to you. I wanted to talk to you. To tell you I loved you. To tell you I understood and that it was OK to let go. I knew you were in pain. We talked so much about it so often. Then THE call came in at 2:50am, you were gone, she said. Gone. Such a polite way to say that someone is dead. Sounds so much better. Like maybe it might not be real somehow. But it was Real! All to real!!!!! In just a flash, a split second, a moments notice, you were gone. Dead. Out of my sight forever. Here's the kicker, you knew you were dying. Weeks before, you knew. You asked Red (your best friend) to talk at your Memorial. You knew. Why didn't you tell me? We told each other nearly everything. Why Pete? I know you loved me, did not want to worry me. But, this? Seriously?! You could have told me this.
I am not pissed at you. I love you too much to be pissed at you. I'm pissed at the whole damn thing. You dying, the memorial not going like it should have because she didn't get the word out like she promised. She didn't even coordinate with Red on the time or anything. Then Tony and Bill. I don't think I can ever forgive them for what they did. They stole you from me! How could they do that?! Who in their right mind does That? My heart hurts over this. I just don't know what to do. Where to go, who to turn to. Yes, I'm aware of the fact that I'm only hurting myself. Perhaps that is my punishment for allowing them to steal you and not listening to you in the first place. I should never have called Tony like you told me to. I am so sorry Dodo. Please forgive me.
Who am I pissed at? It's me. I'm pissed at me.
