It's fall, the leaves are changing and it is quite lovely. The sky does this magical thing where it changes colors. Ushering in the long winter nights. The time of year when folks are happy, full of joy and giving gifts during the Christmas Season. That is before you left me. Before you disappeared into the darkness. Not even a goodbye. Not that you ever would say goodbye, we all know how much you hated that word. Goodbye. Hell I hate that word. But it doesn't stop the inevitable from happening. Now I don't know how to say goodbye. I'm afraid to say goodbye... I saw a clip a friend of yours posted on FB. You were on there just briefly. You waved and said "Hey", just hey... That was so precious. To hear your voice.... I miss your voice, your laughter, but you want to know what I miss the most???? Your hugs! Those wonderful big ole bear hugs. I always felt safe there. I never worried, never doubted for a second... I knew you had me. I knew no one would ever hurt me.
Your birthday is the 22nd of this month. It will also be 11 months since you have been gone. You would have been 67 years young. You were way to young to leave me Pete. I don't know how to do this any more. My heart is shattered. I don't have anyone to help pick the pieces up. No one can even if they did try. Only you could do that.
Your pictures surround me. On my desk, on my wall... everywhere, along with Mom's pictures. You two were beautiful people. Inside and out. Words are just words. They will never be able to express the deep deep anguish my heart is in every single day with both of you gone. So many regrets.. not saying all the things I should have said. Not spending enough time with y'all like I should have. Now it is too late. I will never be able to get that time back again. It's gone forever. Just like you and Mom. I will always love you both so very very much. some day I pray y'all can forgive me....
